A few weeks ago, a friend had a on facebook meltdown. That unfriended his wife, changed his profile photo to black, and also announced he to be “done.” His wife had actually gone out v a masculine friend and didn’t provide him the attention he felt he deserved. He was jealous.

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Jealousy has actually caused plenty of problems in relationships throughout history, including murder and other violence. But, much more often than not, jealousy simply ruins relationships.

Frustrated friends and also coaching client reach out to me and ask why perform guys acquire jealous? This write-up will define his behaviors and provide answers.


When I was in high school, my girlfriend sat beside a girl whose boyfriend went to one more school. He and this girl would certainly talk and also occasionally flirt, but nothing much more happened. A couple of days later, she boyfriend called him up and wanted come fight him!

Jealousy is more common in adolescents, especially those with lower self-esteem. As men mature, they usually build greater confidence and emotional maturity. So, a lot of their teenage actions go by the wayside, including solid feelings of jealousy.

If your boyfriend is younger or generally more emotionally immature, climate that might be why he gets jealous. Together he matures, you’ll hopefully find that his feel of jealousy fade. But, sadly, period doesn’t always lead to emotional maturity and people can experience extreme feelings that jealousy at any age.


My girlfriend in the opening story had actually a background of emotionally trauma in relationships. He had an ex-girlfriend that cheated top top him as soon as he to be younger and he went with a nasty divorce that affiliated restraining orders and also custody battles.

Jealousy not just stems from low self-esteem, but additionally feelings the insecurity in the relationship. He could feel like you might leave in ~ moment, the you’re much better than the is, or the you’re inevitably going come cheat.

Keep in mind, in many cases, insecurity comes from past experience. So, you can have a great bond and an amazing relationship, however his previous trauma rears its ugly head in the type of insecurity and he gets jealous.

Let me give you one example. Girlfriend love your boyfriend and also have no desire to cheat. But, his ahead girlfriend hooked up with a male at a bar. So, if girlfriend go out to a bar with your girlfriends, he assumes that you are likewise going come cheat on him. Next thing girlfriend know, he gets jealous and also ruins her evening with your friends.


Many world think jealousy is the same as envy, yet that isn’t true. Envy is when you want what someone rather has. Jealousy is are afraid that someone else will certainly take what you already have. If you’re asking why perform guys gain jealous, the answer, at the root is fear, specifically fear of gift replaced.

He is afraid, for everything reason, the he is walk to shed you to who else. If you’re talking to a man at work, the fears the you’ll prefer that guy better. If you go the end without him, he concerns that you’ll satisfy someone new. Ironically, as soon as guys obtain jealous, they push the woman away and they finish up shedding her.

The opposite of are afraid in relationship is trust. If the can completely trust you, then many of the jealousy will certainly fade. That won’t care if you walk out through friends or meet a new guy in ~ work because he has full faith that you will certainly still come ago to him and also be loyal.

Like with insecurity, his trust problems might not have anything to do with you. Most troubles with trust go back to the past. So, as soon as he plot jealous, he’s taking all of his previous experiences where trust to be broken–parents, friends, lovers–and applying them come you and the relationship.

Your previous Behaviors

Jealousy have the right to be very ugly and lead come ugly things. If the gets jealous for no good reason, it can lead to many problems in a relationship. And, no woman has to put up with an insecure, jealous jerk.

But, if you’re wonder why execute men get jealous, your behavior might it is in contributing or have added in the past.

If you damaged trust by lying come him around exes or also went therefore far as to cheat ~ above him, the breach of to trust won’t conveniently heal also if he states he’s “over it.” while he could have forgiven you, the worry that you will certainly break trust again leader to jealousy in the present.

He additionally might feeling jealous around aspects that your past behavior. Because that example, if that knew friend cheated on someone rather years earlier or that you felt a deep love because that an ex, those could make him guarded in the present. He fears he will shed you.

Brain Chemistry

Ultimately, jealousy is favor anything else regarded emotion: a duty of mind chemistry. Emotions aren’t logical. When we watch something infuriating, us don’t have to talk ourselves right into anger. We simply feel it. The exact same is true v love, sadness, and also other feelings.

Jealousy shows up to come indigenous the mind chemical oxytocin. Weird enough, this is the “cuddle” chemical the creates loving bonds, like between lovers and also even mother and also child. However, research study has displayed that oxytocin can additionally lead to feelings the aggression and ultimately jealousy.

This study doesn’t surprise me in ~ all. The makes total sense the a chemical that bonds would additionally make civilization want come preserve and also protect the bond. So, once your bond through a guy is intimidated (at least in his head), his brain releases chemicals the make him jealous and also aggressive towards potential vain for her love.

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In the end, extreme jealousy is toxicity and mind chemistry is one explanation, not an excuse. If guys acquire jealous, they ultimately need to uncover ways come cope through their feelings, even if it involves getting outside help. Also, girlfriend don’t have to put up through toxic jealousy. In the end, that will ruin the relationship and also make both partners unhappy.